This probably won’t make any sense

  

Life is messy. Nothing ever goes as planned and sometimes that’s how the best of memories are created. Straying away from the road. Diverting yourself from the norm, from what is deemed as normal. I find myself too many times, trying to look at the other side. Choosing one opinion is out of the question for me because each side is usually good. There wouldn’t be arguments unless both sides thought they were right. Sure, I have opinions that are set on stone, no other way. But I find it easy to argue both sides of an argument. What kind of person does that make me? Am I indecisive? I would like to think no, I am self-realizing.Taking a step back from the situation, putting myself into their shoes. Now this is not always a good thing. Sometimes I wish I had many strong opinions rather than a few wishy-washy ideas. But I also can’t help but argue, maybe we argue too much. Maybe we are hung up on things that are unimportant in the grand scheme. We should focus on friends, family, living out short life to the fullest potential. (I’m not usually this deep, I guess I’m just in the mood). I know my family wins in the upmost importance. These are the people who shaped you from day one. They never left you, even when you woke them up late at night and threw up all over them. They still came back to comfort and clean you up. Working at a day care has really enlightened me to see that my family is not like many others. I was blessed with two caring parents and a wonderful little sister who looks up to me. I know my parents want the best for me and they will help me in every step of the way. At my day care,I see all sorts of broken stories. Divorced parents when the child can’t even understand what that word means. How can such innocence make a parents annoyed or awful towards their kid, who did nothing but be the one thing the parent can take anger out on. Luck has surely fallen my way when it came to families. My mother is one not to be taken lightly. I learn new things about her everyday. Often on late nights, you will find her, my sister, and I all coloring Mandalas (really cool therapy designs). She is one who believes in fung shui. She reads me horoscopes and fills my head with slim-chanced fantasies. My father was one who loved to laugh. He made the worst jokes, just as every dad does. But he taught me one of the most important lessons in life. Laughing is the best thing you could do to make any day a little bit better. Most older siblings hate their little sister. My sister is 2 years younger than me and she is my best friend. She looks up to me in every way. Every thing I do, she wants to do too. When I was younger, I didn’t understand this. I thought it was annoying and that she was simply a copy cat. Now, I can’t see a better way for her to tell me she loves me. I am her role model and I am thankful for that every day. I have someone to look after and I know she can always come to me for anything.

 

I believe in many things but I do not believe in religion. I believe in myself. I believe in slim-chances. I believe there are such things as signs. I believe in music. I believe in David Bowie, Freddie Mercury. I believe in people whom I have never met but I know for a fact they changed my life through the power of music so why can’t I do that same. Why can’t I teach people what music can do to a persons life. A life without music isn’t a life lived. Music connects people and I don’t see a reason why I can’t spend the rest of my life connecting with others through a passion that was embedded in me at an sponge-like age. I believe I can do the same for young people.

(Here is a link to David Bowies “Changes”

http://www.vevo.com/watch/david-bowie/changes-live/USJT20900001 )

 

Religion is something that has been introduced to me all my life. My father was one of the most religious people I have ever met. My best friends when I was younger always took my to church. I went to a Christian preschool. Yet, somehow, I find it all kinda of funny. I think of myself as a well-rounded individual (I apologize, I am not trying to brag). I volunteer at nursing homes, I donate to the food bank, I work with children every day or my life. But being non-religious is always paired with being a bad person. At least that’s usually the response I get when I tell people. Or at least they want to change me.That is why I usually don’t tell people. But hey, if we are all spilling the beans, I might as well too.

 

At a young age I was asked “who are you”. We all were, everyone who goes through the public education system. English teachers love to use this prompt. I cant remember everything I said when I was younger. I can’t remember what I thought that question meant. What kind of person I thought I was. I am not saying I am a wise person but I have grown a little with age. I know my beliefs have changed and that the person I was 4 years ago, is someone completely different than who I am today. The person I will be in 4 years is completely different than the person I am now. With time we change, and change is good for everyone. As David Bowie ones said “time may change me, but I can’t trace time”.

 

Marching band has been a big impact on my life since I started high school. This activity was something that taught me not only about music, disincline, and time management, but how to be a leader. Over the years I experienced the highs and lows of becoming a strong leader in such a demanding activity. I took this experience with me to my mentorship and cadet teaching classrooms. I took it with me to my job at the day care. And I know I can take it with me for the rest of my life. And I discovered something about myself during this time. I am a compulsive cleaner.

 

I also discovered I have sort of a mom-like personality. I pick up after others, always prepared with extra supplies, and have a sweet spot for everyone of my students/section.

High school students have been trained to advertise themselves. We argue why we deserve the scholarship money or why we deserve to get into that college.I’m not trying to tell you my biggest hopes and dreams or my finest accomplishment. Most of my life has not even happened yet (hopefully). This essay helped me more than any of those other scholarship applications. This essay is who I really am. Life is impossible to clean and I, am a compulsive cleaner.

 

 

 

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A picture of me and my sister during Twin Day

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4 thoughts on “This probably won’t make any sense

  1. Not just agreeing with one side and understanding that both sides are usually founded in some fact is a great ability to learn!! And music makes everything better( actual music). Holding things like family and friends closer these days is harder to find and its good to see someone still respecting this concept.

  2. Lexie, I just want to start with how much I love you. You are right in so many ways about being a leader and being a mother like figure. I have not once been your specific student, but I feel like you have been my teacher. Always smiling, laughing, and positive. Someone like me needs someone like you in their life. And as far as religion goes, you are a great person and no one can force you to do something you don’t want to do, but just because you don’t go to church doesn’t make you a bad person. Just like going to church doesn’t make you a good person. Church is built to grow faith and trust in Him, not “make you a better person.” People “play church” all the time and aren’t good people. Maybe you have just been approached the wrong way. Religion can be very sterotypical sadly, but it’s not a bad thing. I love you anyways girl. I could definitely see your voice in it!

  3. I love how honest you are. Some people can write pages and pages about themselves, and somehow still manage to avoid the truth. I wish I could be as open about my religious beliefs (or rather lack of religious beliefs) as you are.

    (P.S. I hope you don’t mind me creeping on your blog.)

  4. Even with having the honor to march with you the past three years I never knew you well I never knew how like minded we were until I read your post. While I am by no stretch of the imagination a compulsive cleaner, I still relate to almost every word you said. Your first paragraph hit home with me, I don’t like being the decision maker of a choice between two things I equally love/hate. Your thoughts on making sides resonated clearly to me as I read them. Don’t be afraid to be yourself, you are still a good person and believing in god are two different things; in fact some of the most hateful people I have met are toughs who are religious. I also admire your bravery, I would have never posted my blog like this, I prefer to be the onion only wanting to peel off a small layer (just enough to get a peek inside) and keeping my toughs to myself. On the contrary this post was a knife showing the full inside of you and cutting yourself open, showing your layers, takes courage. After reading this I wish I got to know you better during band (but I guess I’m late for that now), but it does no good to dwell in the past.

    P.S. A side note to see if you actually read this: CGBS > Planet Sax

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